Cain draws a line through the shadows that glows. “So over there is your complicated fucking world, and then there’s the Otherside over here. That’s where you are now.”
“Okay,” I say.
He rocks back on his heels. I cannot take my eyes off Cain, but he’s also the only thing I can see besides shadows and nothing, wispy grey smoky things that resist me either a lot or a little. We’re crouched together in what I guess is the alley outside the building. I’ve kept the door at my back as much as I can, because I don’t want to get lost here.
“Shit here in the Otherside likes getting into your world, and your world is always trying to get shit out of the Otherside just as much as it’s trying to put it back,” Cain says. He taps at the line he drew on the ground. “There are times and places where the division between here and there is less. Nothing’s better than the moment of death for crossing, and no one’s better at getting across or getting things across than a necromancer.”
“Oh. And that’s me?”
He chuckles. “Yeah, kid, that’s you. Most the stuff over here is dead.” He shifts to his feet and looms over me before I start to stand and he takes my arm. I can’t tell if he’s helping me up or making sure I don’t run away on him.
Cain takes my chin in his hand and turns my face some to scrutinize me. “You’re going to be a fucking beacon for anything feeling ambitious. You were for me, first time I saw you.” He caresses my cheek as he lets go. The brusqueness of the gesture makes it a shove.
“How the fuck am I getting you home, kid?” He scowls and stomps his boot into the shadows at our feet. “Want to tell me why you thought it was a good idea to get a demon hunter involved in this?”
“Who?” I ask. “A what?”
Cain shoves his hands into his pockets. “Deimos, that little shit.”
“I only knew the man with the eye patch. He told me not to talk to you or tell you my name before and then … something, he stabbed me, in the center of the star he stabbed my eye so I’d stop seeing dead people.” I can’t think of any reason not to tell Cain all these things.
He shrugs. I shouldn’t be surprised that Cain looks at me like he’s going to kill me or fuck me, considering what I know of him. Nothing about this makes sense to me, but Cain is so calm about it that I feel calm. At least Cain doesn’t look at me like I’m crazy.
“He’s some fucking magician or sorcerer. Witch, wizard, whatever your world wants to call self-righteous assholes like him these days.” Cain takes hold of me again, he turns me around with his hands like he’s inspecting a purchase. He holds out my arm to check the length. It’s extremely concerning, but I’m not about to try escaping from the only thing that can talk to me and explain this.
“Nothing ever dies around you. Nothing ever tries to kill you,” Cain says. “Your life is boring.” He runs his fingers through my hair until he finds the scar from the boat rail. “No wonder you’re a shitty necromancer.”
“I don’t know what that means,” I remind him.
“What kind of gods do you know?” he asks. “What spirits and demons?”
“I know you,” I say. “Um, I know about God and stuff but my parents aren’t very religious. I guess I’m kind of a – an atheist, if anything… I like science.”
He turns me to face him and then lets go. There’s a grin on his face, but it seems more predatory than friendly. “Perfect. You know me. Keep it that way.”
I barely even want to listen to Cain. I nod at him and say, “Okay. Sure.” I have no reason not to listen to Cain anymore, especially if he’s going to be the only thing talking to me anymore.
And then I hear something besides Cain. I hear the cadence of words that I don’t understand but know is speech. It’s almost like pressing my face into the bars of the hallway overlook watching my parents fight, hearing the angry tones but not the distinct and specific hatreds.
I can’t help but turn my head, despite just having been nodding at Cain that I wouldn’t listen to anything else. I almost think I recognize the voices. “Do you hear that?”
“Ethan,” snaps Cain. I haven’t heard him use my name since that first time I told him. “Ethan, look at me.”
I turn back to him quick enough that I catch him in between scowls, in a moment where he’s tensed to grab me again but doesn’t look angry. He looks scared. Soon as I’m facing him again, he does snatch my arm into his fist.
I won’t look away from Cain again. Between him and a voice I don’t know, I at least think Cain has reasons to want me around. I need to kill people for him, apparently. “Sorry,” I say. “I’ll ignore it. I just thought it sounded familiar.”
Ethan!
I stare at Cain. I don’t turn toward Aidan’s voice even as I hear him again calling my name.
“Okay. Now it’s my name,” I tell Cain. “I’m not trying to listen but I hear my name.”
He gives a low, throaty chuckle and pulls me against him with a mean-seeming smirk. “Guess you might go home without me,” Cain says. “If they’re going to pull, I suppose I can push.” His expression is surly and mocking as he tucks me into his arms and bends close.
Kissing Cain is nothing like kissing Aidan. Here in this strange nothing of shadow, Cain is fire and air against me, a hot devouring force that makes my fingers curl and body shiver. I don’t know if it’s because he’s a demon or if it’s because he looks like he’s just walked off a punk rock album cover, I cannot believe how normal this feels, how eager I am to kiss Cain.
Until he bites me, pain searing sharp with his teeth as I whimper and jerk. I shove at Cain but he’s solid against me, nothing wispy or insubstantial about him. His hands are iron bands keeping me against him as blood fills my mouth, his mouth, he kisses me as he bites me. I hit my fists into his ribs and chest until he lets me go.
“Ow! Cain!” He’s between me and the door, and I stumble to keep from stepping on top of the glowing line he scratched in the ground. I retreat further and press my fingers into the split wet line of my lip. “You bit me!”
Cain smirks and steps forward to easily take hold of me again even though I squirm and struggle to resist. His thumb rubs a rough rasp of pain across my lip before he leans in to kiss me again. The velvet caress of his tongue flicks into the jagged bite. I think I might gag on the thick taste of blood and saliva that collects in my mouth.
My lip grows cold and then numb, it feels swollen as Cain pushes his tongue into my mouth and kisses me in those punk rock idol ways again that don’t hurt, where his teeth don’t cut into me. Arousal pulses between my legs even as no blood beats in my veins, so that I’m dizzy with the impossibility of what I’m doing kissing Cain like this.
Cain presses his hand between my shoulders to draw me closer to him. His leg fits between mine so that I grind into him, desperate in ways that are shameful but he’s a demon, that has to be why I crawl and moan against him like this. I push my lips into his, the swollen hot urgency of my lip where the split line no longer hurts. I rub and rut a stiff jutting cock against Cain’s leg as we kiss.
He pushes me into the wall, I turn my head to say, “Wait,” even before he’s pressing up against me again.
“Relax, sweetheart,” he says.
Cain’s hand circle my waist, they unclasp my pants, and when he reaches under the waistband of my underwear to take hold of my cock I make the most dreadful noise. My lashes flutter as I shift my legs apart and thrust into Cain’s hand.
I can’t let this happen, I can’t let him fuck me, I have no idea what I’m doing but I need Cain inside me right now. I claw at the wall of shadows that keeps me pinned here with Cain and roll my hips with wanton disregard for what I’m doing. My body is a stranger to me, an undulating creature of want and desire that bends pliable into Cain’s touch.
“Cain,” I plead. I have no idea what I want, just that I want something enough that I could choke on tears if I wasn’t so silent and still in this shadow world.
Fire traces my thighs as Cain strokes me, and his mouth pants ardor against my neck and ear. This can’t be real, this can’t be happening, everything is burnt ashen shadow except for Cain. He’s a hot throbbing cock nestled into my ass, he’s the thrust of a finger, the curl of a gesture, I can’t believe this is happening.
My voice sobs, “Wait,” without tears, without the ragged burst of my breath. I think this should hurt but it’s just desire that I feel, arousal sharp and keening, sensation that whips along my body as Cain thrusts into me. He’s inside me, when he rocks forward I feel his cock pushing in and out of me, he’s fucking me, I can’t believe this is happening.
“Stop, Cain –” I thrash hard and moan as Cain pumps his hand over my cock again and every nerve in my body ignites. Molten pleasure sets my protests into whimpers because fuck this feels amazing even though I want it to stop I’m desperate for it. I’m desperate for him, for Cain.
My knees shiver, my whole body shivers, I am pinned so helpless between Cain’s cock and his hand, his hips and thighs, his whole body against me. I’ve never done this before. I’ve never had sex before. Cain using my body to kiss Aidan was my first kiss, and now Cain’s fucking me, I’m filled with Cain inside me and abusing a rhythm into me that’s possessing and rough.
Orgasm hits me with agonized intensity. It’s unrelenting pressure and motion from Cain, he’s still fucking me, saying, “Oh, fuck yeah,” as I spurt and thrash and bite back wails. He has to hold me up, he shoves my skinny body harder into the darkness around us, surely I’ll have bruises after this.
Cain’s teeth close over my skin, they cut into my neck to pull a low moan from me that sharpens on each snapped thrust of Cain’s hips. It’s a racing frenzy, a harsh tempo between us, this demon called Cain latches into me and bucks into me over and over. I’m helpless and undulating, thrust adrift into nothing, it’s so intense I could be screaming but I can’t even breathe.
I feel him turn jittery and urgent, his cock beats deeper inside me. Cain starts to come with a groan. It’s slick heat inside me, Cain doesn’t slow down as he snarls and moans. His cock pulses and pounds, it’s all I can feel, he’s so deep inside me so I’m starting to fill and flow. I dry-heave a sob and jerk against him, away from him, I can’t get away. I need more and want less, he’s everything in that moment, in so many moments I’m nothing but this.
It’s so hot that I’m burning, it feels like racing on my bike again. As if wind’s ripping tears from my face I shudder beneath Cain. He bites down and shivers, “Ethan,” into my skin.
“Please,” I cry. I grab at him, I twist, I shove for his lips and buck hard against him. It’s blood and come between us, my seared open lip feels smooth. I taste the scar of my lip as Cain growls endearments and thrusts, he pins me into this dark shadow of his world.
“Abel,” he says. It’s a groaning half-laugh. We kiss again and it’s blinding, agony and desire so that I scrunch my eyes closed. “I’ll find you,” he whispers. Cain makes it sound like a threat just as much as a lover’s promise. I don’t understand until I’m gone, he’s gone, I snap away into elsewhere, pressure lifts and everything changes.
I open my eyes and see a bright ceiling, so bright without shadows. I’m lying on the floor in a way that seems peaceful until I draw my first breath. Another beat of my heart slams into the fast-expanding gasp of my ribcage. Someone shrieks and jumps back, so that I see motion and not much else.
The pain hits me as a lash of arousal. I quiver and jerk in strange ways as if I’m still getting fucked, but it’s just me on the floor in the center of chaos. My underwear is stuck to my half-stiff cock with come and sweat rings the back of my neck as I breath fast and thrash. I roll to my hands and knees. I claw my fingers into the floor and see the glowing red lines of a pentagram.
I run my tongue into my lip and feel the bump of a scar. I remember the taste of blood, the lustful frenzy of fucking Cain that’s left my body sore and tender, flushed and sated — I shiver and twitch at the memory of Cain moving inside me, his cock filling me and fucking me. Agony rips into my stomach as I feel again at the scar on my lip. Saliva rushes into my mouth as I choke and find the first sob. I hurt in ways and places I didn’t know could hurt.
The bossy blonde starts to speak with a lifted lisp of a gasp. “He’s back! He’s here! I’ve got it now, he’s here!”
“Shut up,” rasps a stranger. It’s the small man holding the knife, the one Cain called a demon hunter. Deimos looks at me and then eyes my crotch in a way that’s mortifying and creepy at once.
I rub at my face and push aside tears. “I want to leave,” I say. My voice is a raw wound, the words barely enough to cut the air. I look up to find myself in the center of the room, the center of attention, the center of the pentagram. I need to find Cain. I need to get away from these people before they send me over the line again.
I get to my feet and tug the hem of my sweatshirt down over the front of my pants. “I’m fine now. I just want to leave,” I say. I do a great job at sounding calm. I don’t sound like someone who got fucked by a demon and crossed back from the Otherside.
Aidan’s in the corner still with both hands over his mouth, tears streaming over his cheeks. I can tell by the way he’s staring that he can’t see in this room without shadows. I bet for him it’s like for me on the Otherside, or maybe he can’t see anything at all so it’s just darkness entirely. He doesn’t move and looks everywhere and nowhere at the sound of my voice.
I stare down at the pentagram and the glowing red lines, and I bend over my knees with a sudden dry retch. I grip my hand into my thigh and fight against puking. I wipe my mouth into my shoulder and swallow the flooded terror of spit and tears. It’s like I just left, like I didn’t leave at all, I don’t understand anything about this but Deimos is still holding that knife.
I need to find Cain and get away from these people. I force myself to straighten upright. I dart for Aidan and make him scream when I grab his hand. Deimos moves toward me with quick, sure steps that say he can see in this room, and he still has the knife.
The man in the eye patch steps forward to get between us. He holds up his hand. “Let him go. He is only a child,” he says.
“Necromancer,” the demon hunter retorts. He still has the knife, I push Aidan sideways toward the curtain. “Crossed over and back. Shouldn’t have tried exorcism.”
“Yes, thank you for stating the obvious. I’m aware I fucked up on that decision.” The bossy blonde called Phobos stares at me as well with a wild gleaming smile. He skips forward and throws out a hand as if we’re going to do introductions, even though I’m clearly trying to flee. “Sorry about that. Praxis didn’t tell me you were a necromancer. That explains everything, although not quite as much as it should.”
I hate him so viciously for saying it like that, like it really doesn’t make perfect sense to him. It was his idea to do this to me. He thought he knew what to do — and Deimos still has the knife, and Cain knew about Deimos. I push against Aidan to urge him toward the doorway.
“We’re leaving. I’m fine now,” I say. I don’t think I sound very calm. I think my voice is shaking along with the rest of me, and I think that I might collapse if I stop moving or let go of Aidan’s hand. I need away from these people. Coming here was a mistake — I don’t want to get involved. It’s bad enough that I need to find Cain, or that he’s going to find me, I need to leave this place and these people who know what I am.
“Look at his lip,” says Phobos. “Deimos.” He says it like summoning a dog. His fingers snap some to help emphasize the command before he points at me.
Deimos ducks around the man in the eye patch and that’s when I shove Aidan into the curtain. I hush to him, “Run!” and drag him down the hall toward the stairs. The hand holding the knife gets through the curtain first followed by the rest of this intense small stranger who looks ready to stab me again to stop me from running away.
“Ethan –”
“Don’t say my name! Just move!” We stumble down the stairs together and once past the landing Aidan doesn’t need my hand to guide him. I would fall down the stairs just to get to the bottom faster, I would shove him into a tumble if I thought it would help.
A hand grabs mine and it’s Deimos without the knife. I scream anyway and slap at him to get free. Aidan slips on the stairs as he turns and rushes back. He snatches the man’s ankle so that Deimos jerks back and falls. He tugs me down, too, we both go crashing. I’m up first and so is Aidan, he’s gone even as I jump over Deimos and keep running.
I tear after Aidan through the curtain into the entry, where the heavy scents of incense and wax choke me with relief. Blood-red stones sit in a bowl with white candles, and sunlight cuts into the room as Aidan slams through the door. I follow him out into the alley and can’t believe it’s daylight, grey murky February overcast but still bright and perfect.
We run for the car, Aidan shrieks curses at his keys before getting it unlocked and then started, I’d tell him to drive safe except it feels like I’m dying now that I’m not running for my life. I feel ripped up and bleeding, beaten inside, I keep thinking of Cain sliding in and out so slick and fast. I can’t believe that he fucked me.
My fingers skip and shiver over my lip. Aidan swerves the car into motion as I tackle the sun visor to flip open the mirror. A vertical red line marks my mouth, and I watch in the mirror as this terrified-looking boy stabs his tongue into the smooth bump of a fresh scar. Without anyone needing to tell me I know this is how Cain’s going to find me again, now that I’m his. I feel at the scar on my lip and then scratch through my hair until I find the one on my head, the one from hitting the boat rail when I went into the water.
“You can’t think I’m crazy still,” I say to Aidan. “You have to believe me now, right?”
“Yeah. No, Ethan — I believe you.” He lets out a shaky breath like a sob. “Fuck, I don’t know what I believe anymore, but I don’t think you’re crazy.”